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Where's The Damn Picket Fence? |
New Year's Absolutions Well, it's that time of year again time to sling out the old and drag in the new. Yes, it's Resolution Time or what I painstakingly call, Absolution Time...time to absolutely not make any resolutions. I usually never keep my resolutions anyway; in fact, I don't even make them knowing I'm not going to keep them, but this year, I have compiled a list that will be honored: New Year's Absolutions for 2003: 1. I will not quit smoking. 2. I will not clean my car but once a year and that is only if I need the room. 3. I will not eat any healthy garbage, but continue my usual menu of marshmallow crème sandwiches and Ding Dongs. 4. I will continue to be late for work so as to avoid overtime. 5. I will stop exercising and love myself for who I really am...baggage and all. 6. I will continue to write checks to pay my bills before the money is actually in the bank. 7. I will continue to sit in my living room at my computer in my underwear. 8. I will not let the dogs sleep with me when I know they are in heat. 9. I will not have a hangover, unless I've been out drinking the night before. 10. I will take down the Christmas tree before the dog thinks it's a perfect place to cock his leg. 11. I will learn to watch the sunset and make love more often. 12. I will learn to say no and mean it. 13. I will not make a New Year's Resolution I can't keep. Happy New Year to all, and may 2003 bring you all you need to make you smile. |
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